I am a History Teacher in my “real-life” and one with very little survival skills. Movies very regularly put average people in extraordinary situations and I often watch, as many other people do, and wonder “how long would I survive this situation” or to put it more bluntly – “at what point in the movie would I die?” That is what I will be examining by taking a look at a well-known movie, with well-known danger, and work out exactly how long this over-weight, skill-less and cowardly History Teacher would actually last. First up, lets see how I would fare against dinosaurs.
How long would I survive Jurassic Park? – The T-Rex Breakout
There is relative little danger for the first act of Jurassic Park. It is a lot of “oohing” and “aahing” as the collected explorers witness long neck vegetarian dinosaurs and pointy nosed sick dinosaurs. I have to stretch the credibility of my presence among these experts slightly but I am a History teacher and dinosaurs were around in History so that should cover it.
I have no issue with the peaceful tour around the park but like the other experts, I would get stuck on the electric track, in the jeeps, when the power cuts and the T-Rex breaks through the barrier.
This is obviously a scene full of poor decisions. The lawyer runs and leaves the two kids, getting himself eaten while sat on a toilet, Jeff Goldblum gets out of the car and tries to distract the T-Rex but just manages to get himself (almost) eaten for his efforts. The most level-headed person in the scene is Sam Neill’s Alan Grant but I am no palaeontologist so my efforts would be more Goldblum than Grant.
I would either be in Car A or B. Car A, containing the kids and the lawyer, is obviously the more dangerous one. If I was in this car, I’m meat. For some reason, older kid Lex decides to shine a torch outside of the window and draw the attention of the T-Rex. I’d like to think I’d get that torch off the young girl but I’m pretty certain the damage would have been done in the struggle.
The T-Rex then proceeds to tear the car apart and the kids are small enough to hold off the giant teeth with a sheet of plastic/Perspex. I’d make this more difficult with my bulkier size and I’m pretty certain the T-Rex would get a hold of me and gobble me immediately.
Lets say I’m lucky enough to be Car B with the men and the heroic men at that. As Alan Grant got out of the car with his flare and quite successfully distracted the T-Rex, then Goldblum’s Dr Malcolm gets out and fails with his poor effort, I’d stay where I was! After Dr Malcolm has led the T-Rex away, Alan Grant (and Me) would run over to the other car to save the kids.
The T-Rex returns and Grant successfully stands still so the T-Rex can’t see them. I know that I wouldn’t have done this and would have unsuccessfully tried running away, screaming like a little girl. Needless to say, the T-Rex would get more human meat to eat.
I would like to add that my sacrifice could be enough to distract the T-Rex so Grant can save the kids from the car before it gets pushed over the edge by the king of the dinosaurs. So really, I’d be a hero!
Overall, a poor start for my heroic movie career. I’d get to the earliest moment of threat in Jurassic Park and die either screaming with the kids or running away from them. The latter could lead to me being a hero though…